3 Kinds of Cooks

I love to cook. One look at me would instantly inform you that this is correct. (Hint: Never trust a skinny cook.) However, my doctor would be pleased to hear that now, instead of eating a big steak in a single sitting, I eat that same steak at three different meals.

As I grew up, my Dad was the cook in the family. About the only thing Mom cooked was TV Dinners. (Wow! Another indication that I’m age-eligible to be curmudgeonly.) I don’t remember my Dad following recipes. He just put things together, although his repertoire wasn’t very large. People who knew my Dad and know me have asked whether I’m a better cook than my Dad was. At first, I said Yes!” While I still think that is generally true, I’ve modified my response to the fact that my Dad was a good cook for that era; I’m a good cook for my era. The cooking world had different values and standards then than it has now. And, so far, no one has become sick (or worse!) after eating my cooking.

I often use any of several comments to explain my cooking. Sometimes I use them all. They describe three kinds of cooks. First, in cooking, I’m a mad scientist whose laboratory is the kitchen. I may look at dozens (sometimes even hundreds) of online recipes for a particular dish. As I read through these, I print two or three that strike me as being the most interesting in terms of ingredients, complexity of flavors and mode of preparation. Then I merge them into one, adding other ingredients I came across in other recipes as seems fitting to me.

Sometimes I say that I use secret family recipes; in fact they’re so secret that I don’t even know them! I’ll add and/or mix in ingredients and seasonings that seem to be appropriate. I simply pour it in and eyeball the amounts. They usually turn out very good. My wife will request that I make it again sometime, but when I do, it’s not the same.

Finally, I say that my cooking follows the Aaron School of Cooking. If you have any basic familiarity with accounts in the Old Testament, you may recall that God called Moses up to the top of Mt. Sinai to receive the 10 Commandments - and lots more. As Moses remained on the mountain top for 40 days, the people, who had begged Moses to speak God’s words to them because they were terrified when God spoke directly to them, gave up on Moses ever returning. So they pushed Aaron to make a symbol to represent the God who brought them out of Egypt. They brought their gold jewelry, which Aaron had fashioned into a golden calf.

Seeing this, God sent Moses down from the mountain because of the commotion in the encampment. When Moses saw what was going on, he threw down the two tablets on which the commandments had been written by the finger of God. (Q: Who was the most wicked man in the Bible? A: Moses, because he broke all 10 Commandments at once. I forgot to add to my profile that I have a strange sense of humor.) When Moses challenged Aaron, Aaron waffled, saying “I threw the gold into the fire and out came this calf.”

Sometimes, that’s how I cook. I throw it in the fire, and this is what comes out. So far, however, no golden calf. And that's just fine with me.